"The wonders of redeeming love and my unworthiness"

Well this weekend was wonderful. I spent the Easter break here at school and though I had been dreading a weekend spent on the mountain with very few people around God really used it as a great time to spend with Him (as well as getting homework done so that I am not as stressed by the work ahead of me this week). I loved being able to walk around my room and just talk to God, I know that might sound crazy but sometimes I feel closer with him if I say what I am thinking out loud, anybody else feel that way? Also, the time spent with the few girls who stayed on the hall as well was such a sweet time of fellowship and bonding. It was really nice to make supper each night and then sit around the table and chat while we ate. I even enjoyed washing the dishes as we all continued to chat. It was so refreshing to not feel rushed by what ever was ahead for the evening. Now of course, I was totally swamped with homework considering how close to the end of the semester it is but I didn't feel as overwhelmed by it.
This Easter was not the same as it usually is for me, clearly. But I was thinking about it and I am glad that it was a little different. I was able to focus on the immense love of Christ because I was not as focused on other things, like getting the afternoon meal ready or what everyone at church would be wearing. I so enjoyed the sermon at Lookout Pres and worshiping with such a huge group of believers. It was truly humbling.

As I said, the end of the semester is fast approaching and I am anxiously awaiting its arrival. I am pressing on in the homework and the week of exams facing me but I am so excited about what lies ahead this summer that it is very hard to stay focused. I feel so blessed to be able to spend the summer with my sister and brother in Greenville, and even more so to be able to make some money taking care of my beautiful niece! (Sorry y'all, she pretty much outranks everyone as far as my favorite person)  While I do sometimes worry about how I will feel being away from home for the whole summer I know that this is going to be a summer I never forget.
I will be sad to see the end of this semester for all of the girls that I will miss next semester, either because they are moving across campus, down the road, or across the country. I will not be glad to say goodbye to them, but I will run around and jump for joy to say goodbye to all the homework and stress. Just so that the girls who will not be on The Fritz next semester know that while I am excited for the end of the year it is not at all because I want to see you go.....that is the last thing I want.

In closing I want to put the words to a hymn that has been on my heart since Friday, I know that we have passed Easter so it is a little late but I think it is still valuable to consider this hymn. Also, it is one of my favorites and it had been a while since I last sang it until Friday night.

Beneath the Cross of Jesus

Beneath the cross of Jesus I fain would take my stand,

The shadow of a might rock within a weary land;

A home within the wilderness, a rest upon the way,

From the burning of the noontide heat, and the burden of the day

Upon the cross of Jesus, 

Mine eye at times can see

The very dying form of One who suffered there for me;

And from my stricken heart with tears two wonders I confess,

The wonders of redeeming love and my unworthiness.

I take, O cross, thy shadow

For my abiding place:

I ask no other sunshine than the sunshine of His face,

Content to let the world go by to know no gain nor loss

My sinful self my only shame, my glory, all the cross

(RUF version in case anyone is wondering)

A cup of coffe and time for reflection

I am never exactly sure how to go about writing here. I want to give life updates but I don't want that to be the only thing in this blog because that is boring, I would much rather be thoughtful and contemplative in my postings so I usually end up doing a little of each I think.
Recently I have been thinking about the people in my life who have been instrumental in making me the woman I am today ( even though often I still see myself as that little girl who loved sitting in laps and being close to everyone longing for the attention of those that I loved most, which of course I always got :) ) I still think of these people as a part of my life even though they are not around for the day to day things that go on. I am able to make it through broken relationships because of their wisdom and the way that they point me to Jesus and remind me that no matter how bad things may seem at the moment I have a Savior who loves me as much as I long to be loved, and so much more. I will forever thank the Lord for blessing me with these people even though He has guided our families to different parts of the country.
Yesterday was a hard day for me, I dealt with a lot of emotions that I haven't been letting myself feel and so I was exhausted.Also, nothing went according to my plan for the day. That threw me off so badly I did not know if I would be able to cope with the stress. It is strange how sometimes your pride keeps you from admitting things, even just to yourself. I sometimes do not like to admit that I need to take time to be totally alone without anyone talking to me or even in the room so that I can deal with stress, it is a rare occasion but when I do need that it is an urgent and desperate need. Last night that need hit me as I was walking into work for the night, ugh was that a long shift! Then I came back and sat in the commons to work on homework and watch a movie without anybody around. That gave me the chance to stop and talk to God for a while too. I am so much more refreshed today because of that time and yet I feel weak when I acknowledge that I needed that time to continue on for the rest of the semester.
As I have been thinking about those that I love so much the continued refrain in my head is " I thank my God with each remembrance of you" This is true for me in so many ways, each time I think about each one of you who has played an integral part in my life I am thankful! I do not know where I would be without you but I do not that it would not be a good place, that is a lesson I learned the hard way. So for those of you reading this, know that I love each of you and thank God for you daily!

Also, this music just came onto my itunes and I wanted to put it on the end of this post because I have been thinking about this musical a lot recently. I would LOVE to see this one live, it is far and above my favorite musical ever and I plan to read the book this summer when I have the time to really enjoy it. For anyone who hasn't even heard the music or doesn't know the story, for shame! You should really become very familiar with it, there is such a great story of redemption and a great refelction of Christs love in human terms. Anyway, that is my humble opinion on the subject :)