Crafting and Cookies

Today is the first reading day of the semester. Also, since we ended up not having exams last semester, it is the first time in a year that I needed to worry about studying for exams. Today was not as successful as I had hoped. Basically I didn't get very much done and tomorrow will have to be crammed with work. But, that is okay. I will be working through many study guides and attempting to feel semi-prepared before Saturday when I have to CLEAN!
Saturday = Cleaning day= WORST DAY! (Okay it isn't that bad, but it isn't very fun at all either) It is  a day of cleaning everything in the room. You have to get it spotless or they slap you with a fine. (because they aren't getting enough of my money!) So the goal is to be so clean they can't even think of trying to fine me. Shouldn't really be a problem but it is still my least favorite day of the year.
So tonight I went to my first ladies night in a long time. We spent the evening making crafts, chatting, and decorating cookies. I didn't really decorate any cookies but I did make my own envelopes! It was so fun. I want to get some templates so that I can make them all the time because they are so much nicer than just plain old white envelopes like I typically have to use. How did I not know about these already?!
Tonight was great because we sat around the table and chatted. There was a lot of laughter and just nice time spent with the ladies of the small group. I loved it.

Now I am getting so close to going home (I leave on Wednesday!) I can't wait to be going home. I love my hall and my schools but being home for Christmas will be so grand. Also, being in the warm weather again will be very very nice.

That is all for now!

Today my emotions are somewhere between...

Here:

Gravity

Something always brings me back to you.

It never takes too long.

No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.

You keep me without chains.

I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.

Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.

But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.

When I thought that I was strong.

But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground.

But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.

The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down

You're on to me, on to me, and all over...

Something always brings me back to you.

It never takes too long.

And Here:

King of Anything

Oh (oh oh oh)

Oh (oh oh oh)

Oh (oh oh oh)

Oh (oh oh oh)

Keep drinkin' coffee

Stare me down across the table

While I look outside

So many things I'd say if only I were able

But I just keep quiet

And count the cars that pass by

You've got opinions, man

We're all entitled to 'em

But I never asked

So let me thank you for time

And try to not waste any more of mine

Get out of here fast

I hate to break it to you babe

But I'm not drowning

There's no one here to save

Who cares if you disagree

You are not me

Who made you king of anything

So you dare tell me who to be

Who died

And made you king of anything

Oh (oh oh oh)

Oh (oh oh oh)

Oh (oh oh oh)

Oh (oh oh oh)

You sound so innocent

All full of good intent

You swear you know best

But you expect me to

Jump up on board with you

Ride off into your dellusional sunset

I'm not the one who's lost

With no direction oh

But you won't ever see

You're so busy makin' maps

With my name on them in all caps

You got the talkin' down just not the listening

And who cares if you disagree

You are not me

Who made you king of anything

So you dare tell me who to be

Who died

And made you king of anything

All my life

I've tried

To make everybody happy while I

Just hurt

And hide

Waitin' for someone to tell me it's my turn

To decide

Oh (oh oh oh)

Oh (oh oh oh)

Oh (oh oh oh)

Oh (oh oh oh)

Who cares if you disagree

You are not me

Who made you king of anything

So you dare tell me who to be

Who died

And made you king of anything

Who cares if you disagree

You are not me

Who made you king of anything

So you dare tell me who to be

Who died

And made you king of anything

Let me hold your crown, babe

Oh oh

Ah

Both by Sara Bareilles, in case you didn't know :)

How Great The Father's Love!

So I keep thinking about writing here and I can't come up with anything really great to say. I read blogs and think "Wow, they are so clever! I wish I could write like that." but alas, I do not. So to those of you who do read my ever so infrequent posts, thank you!

We had this yesterday but it is mostly gone today!

As I walked to work in the frigid air this morning I was thinking about the amount of stress I am experiencing at the moment. The sad thing is that most of it is over things that won't matter much longer. I have school work that is making me so anxious that I can hardly eat. This isn't normal for me but when it happens it is bad. But then I remind myself that I am not defined by school and grades. Yes, I want to do my best, but that shouldn't mean I go through the weeks overwhelmed by everything and afraid of what will happen if I don't do as well as I normally do. For instance, I just turned in this HUGE paper that has been so stressful to write and I felt relieved for about a minute that it was done until the panic over what grade it will receive set in. And as I look back on that I am reminded of the words in Luke, "and which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?" How many times are we reminded in the Scriptures not to be anxious? And yet, I constantly am. This shows me so much about how I struggle to trust in the Lord. When you continue on to read the rest of that section in Luke 12 it is such a comfort. I love these words especially:

"For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you. Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom."

 

What a beautiful thing to remember that the Father wants to give us the kingdom. His love is so great that even though we walk away from him he still desires our good. What an amazing Savior we have. This is all I have to say at this point but really, what more is there. Just remember today that The Father desires to be close to all of his sheep and he provides mercifully for him in all their needs. I will try to keep this close to my heart today amidst the stresses of the end of another semester.

In Media Res....

Yup, I did it. I pulled out the Latin on you! Haha!
Well really it should be easy to understand....I am jumping into this blog now that we are "in the middle of things". You see it is only a couple of days until FALL BREAK! I seriously cannot wait to get a break from school and work. I love my job and most of my classes but it is time for a little bit of relaxing and resting. It has been a full semester to be sure. A lot of reading has been done, many nights of going crazy with my roommate and hallmates, and even a visit from a friend. So far no major problems have come up, well other than the fact that I have to get my wisdom teeth taken out next weekend. (EEEK) But even that has an upside since it means that Mom is coming up to spend the weekend with me while I recover. I can't wait to see her.
This semester I am trying to work on finding the things to be joyful about in life. I want to really pursue the joy of the Lord and get even closer with him as I am studying and working, even when I don't feel "joyful" about things. I have been thinking about this a lot as I have started to tutor downtown this semester. I am working with a program called GLAD, it is just a small group of volunteers who work with students to finish homework for a couple of hours four days a week. These students are some of the most difficult children I have worked with but at the same time they can be some of the sweetest kids to be around. They are so grateful to have someone who is willing to sit and work with them that they latch onto you as a tutor after one afternoon. Now, some of them take longer to warm up but in general they are all ready and willing to give hugs to anyone who will take one! It is humbling to me to see that these kids, who very often come from hard families, can be so joyful over the smallest things. Nothing brings a smile to their faces like a piece of candy as a reward for hard work ;) (Of course, I am fan of rewards too!)
So my goal is to become more grateful. When is it cold and rainy outside, I can be grateful that I have a warm room to go to. When work is boring, I can be grateful that it is helping to pay for my school. When I don't want to eat in the great hall, I can be grateful that I have a place to eat. When I am so very homesick, I can be grateful that I have so may friends here at school.  And I could go on and on....but I won't!

So onto a totally new topic.....My hall. First I want to say that THE FRITZ IS AWESOME! Ahem, got that out...now, like I was saying, we have some really cool girls who have joined us this year. I love our Freshies a lot. I have so enjoyed getting to know each of them more and more for the first half of the semester. They have brought a different dimension to the hall that is nice. Also, those Fritzers who are returners this year I feel like we have all gotten a lot closer this year. Some of us have been more outgoing and able to just be ourselves which is great. I hope lots of the girls are reading this one! I look forward to a great year of random trips to Walmart, crafting (we should do it each season I think!) and all kinds of crazy adventures!

Lastly, I don't know why owls are the new "thing" right now, but I love it. A lot!

Hello Old Friends...

So sorry that is has been so  very very long since I last updated my blog. I am sure by now anyone who was reading that didn't know me has given up, but hopefully those of you who know me will be gracious and patient with my lack of updates.
Now that it is September (Can't believe it!) I  am back into the swing of things at school. I have another new roommate and still live on the Fritz! I have a great new office job and my schedule is not all consuming. I have a couple more education classes this semester and cannot believe that I am getting pretty close to being a real adult with a classroom and all that jazz. I still have this year and one more at CC but that really isn't long when you think about it.
Sometimes I feel like I am still so far from being mature enough to ever be on my own and living a real life in the next couple of years, but I am pretty sure that everyone feels that way at some point. I am trusting that God will prepare me for everything that comes along in just the right way. I have learn a lot about myself and my relationship with God this summer, as well as the two weeks that I have been back into classes. I am taking a doctrine class and loving it! I had to grow a lot this summer, and went through some hard relationship issues that I didn't understand why God was testing them. Now I am beginning to more and more. I also have come to know more about why I believe the doctrine that I hold to personally, and how there are some things that I should re-think. God is so good!
I really just wanted to let everyone know that I have not totally given up on the idea of blogging, it was just a really wonderfully full summer and I must confess I forgot all about this blog. Don't give up on me though...

Here goes nothing....

Falls park in Downtown Greenville

So I am sitting here and I want to post something because I know it has been a long time. However, I don't know what to write about exactly. I could sit here and describe my days and the routine I have but that would be somewhat dull. I could try and think of funny stories about life but I don't have a whole lot that are good unless you were there, and it is always awkard to be the one to tell one of those "you had to be there" stories. So it should be interesting to see where exactly this post ends up by the time I finish.

Tonight I had to get out of the house. I had been home all day and had read, taken a nap, watched TV, and basically done nothing. Those of you who know it even just a little bit probably know how well I handled being couped up in one place for even a day....not so well! So I just got in the car and headed toward town. I didn't really have a specific goal in mind and after a little brainstorming I decided that I would head downtown and see what I could get into there. Of course, I forgot that on a Saturday night around 8:00pm it is going to be a little crazy downtown but so be it. I managed to find a place to park and started walking. The cool thing about downtown Greenville is that there is a nice park right in the middle of all of the restaurants and shops. I ended up in that park without really knowing how I got there. As I walked down the path I saw that there was a wedding reception going on. I kept walking thinking that I would just grab a cup of coffee and sit somewhere but I was drawn back to the recpetion. So I sat and I sipped coffee while observing this fairly extragagant looking reception. I couldn't spot the bride and groom so I am guessing they were off having pictures taken. The party was in full swing and looked like a lot of fun. I love the atmosphere of weddings and all the happenings. I started wondering about the bride and groom and what they are like. I wanted to sit and imagine for a long time but it was hot and getting dark so I took my coffee and left.  It was a nice night of getting out and enjoying the fresh air, as well as getting to see such a joyful occasion.
Aside from this eveing outting life here is pretty normal. We have some adventures. Took the kiddo to the Zoo and she loved seeing all the animals. Mac is now sleeping in her "big girl bed" and does pretty well with that. She is also an expert climber. Today I found her sitting in her top drawer of her chest of drawers and playing with all kinds of toys. She had pulled each drawer out and used it to get to the next (there are only 3 so she wasn't too high off of the ground but still....she is tricky!) When I opened the door she looked at me and smiled then told me "I got my dolls!" Oh life with a 2 year old, always something new to look out for!
Well as I said, I had no real plan for this post and hopefully it hasn't been too boring. I am truly out of ideas of waht to write so I think now it is time to stop.

What do dragons and Teddy Grahams have in common?

So it has been almost a month since I wrote something here. I sat down a few times to try and write since I didn't want there to be such a huge lag between posts but nothing came to me. Even as I sit now and write I don't have a clear plan for what will be in this post. A lot has changed since I left school and went home for a week. The week at home was a blessing as I had expected to move to Greenville right after exams. I feel as though the whole chapter of tordanos and storms causing school to become more like a horrible camping experience and then the whirlwind move home happened to someone else. It was truly an out of body time for me.

Now I am a resident on South Carolina once again (It's ok, I know you are jealous...I would be too if I were you.) I get to spend my days in a land of amazing creatures and adventures. From the time that Mac wakes up to the time she goes to bed we see all kinds of things. It is a daily occurance to see a dragon or an alligator, but don't be afraid for us because they are always very frienldy and just want to play. However, if we happen to come accross a stinging buzzer we know that it is impartive to run away because they are never here to play. When our imgainary adventures are done for the afternoon it is time to slip into the wonderful world of the many books that we get at the library. Mac loves going to the library and we always stock up on plenty of books to read and re-read through the week. And, life with a princess is pretty great. Right now Mac is running around the house in her tinkerbell costume (which is of course too big and so it si falling off, but she really prefers it that way as she spends the majority of her days in her birthday suit) playing with Daddy. We just finished a very exciting game of hide from the Mommy monster in Auntie M's bed. There was much giggling and screaming, as there always is with this particular 2 year old. 

Other than the times that Mac and I are playing and having many grand adventures it has been so wonderful to live here. I love being with Liz and John and the comfortable rhythem of life that we settled into so quickly. Hopefully this summer will be a great time of building better relationships with them as well as a closer walk with the Lord.I am reading through Acts right now in my quiet time and larning so much about the Apostles and the way in which they went about setting up the church and I am really enjoying these readings. 

Well for now that is all I really have to report. I will post again and tell about some more of the magical lands that I travel to with Mac as my every imaginative guide. Also, we are always sure to pack plenty of Teddy Grahams and Koolaide for our trips as those are staples that one should never leave home without. 

Hey guess what! It is summer time!!!

I am in a fog, and not the kind on top of Lookout Mountain either. Actually I am at home and summer has offically begun...a week early!

It all started on Wednesday morning about 10 minutes after I work up, the tornado alarm went off. My roommate and I looked at each other and then began the mad dash to grab things and get down to the basement. The day continued on with 6 total trips to the basement after hearing the alarm, by the end of the day The Fritz had the whole running to the basement and getting settled in down pat. We had blamkets, food, and movies to enjoy. Also, we had all of our stuff sitting in the hall ready to go when the alram sounded and every time the girls of the fourth floor were the first ones down! Yep, we are pros!
The next day we didn't have power still, which we had expected to wake up and find working, and then we started to hear talk of water running out. By 2:30 the school had announced that we were in fact going to run out of water by 3:00 on Friday afternoon so everyone had to get out, and fast! WHAT!!! No exams, no last week on The Fritz before summer, and no time to organize my plans for packing.
So that night, with no pwer and vey little water the packing madness began. Once it was too dark the packing stopped and the flocking began. We had a dance party on the veranda and said goodbye to the first two fritzers who headed home. It was bittersweet to be sure.
Friday morning the packing and cleaning hit turbo speed and then by 3:00 I was outside on the curb (in order to avoid paying a fine for still being in the building) with all of my things in boxes. By 3:20 Dad was there and by 3:30 we had it all loaded into the truck.
I'm still spinning from all of that but I know that God had a plan and I must admit I love being home for the week. I have finished all of my assignements and am now basking in the beauty of summertime.
So much has happened in the past week and a lot of it I am still processing. I do know one thing for sure, God has it worked out for his glory and my good. This time at home if deffinately good for me. He has a  lot of big thing happening in my life as I prepare to go to Greenville this weekend. I'm not sure what it is but I am interested in fiding out.

So this big news in the world is something to think about! Hard to believe that I was alive for both 9/11 and for the day that the President announced that our enemy was killed. I don't feel like rejoicing though.  While I am glad that justice was brought about I am not comfortable saying that I am happy a man is dead. He was evil this is no doubt about that, and now he will spend enternity in hell. As a believer I do not rejoice to know that someone is eternally seperated from God. Anyway, I am still processing all that I am thinking about htis matter but I really must say that I am not rejoicing in the death of one of God's images.

So I will let you know when more adventures come along!

This is where I spent my afternoon!

"The wonders of redeeming love and my unworthiness"

Well this weekend was wonderful. I spent the Easter break here at school and though I had been dreading a weekend spent on the mountain with very few people around God really used it as a great time to spend with Him (as well as getting homework done so that I am not as stressed by the work ahead of me this week). I loved being able to walk around my room and just talk to God, I know that might sound crazy but sometimes I feel closer with him if I say what I am thinking out loud, anybody else feel that way? Also, the time spent with the few girls who stayed on the hall as well was such a sweet time of fellowship and bonding. It was really nice to make supper each night and then sit around the table and chat while we ate. I even enjoyed washing the dishes as we all continued to chat. It was so refreshing to not feel rushed by what ever was ahead for the evening. Now of course, I was totally swamped with homework considering how close to the end of the semester it is but I didn't feel as overwhelmed by it.
This Easter was not the same as it usually is for me, clearly. But I was thinking about it and I am glad that it was a little different. I was able to focus on the immense love of Christ because I was not as focused on other things, like getting the afternoon meal ready or what everyone at church would be wearing. I so enjoyed the sermon at Lookout Pres and worshiping with such a huge group of believers. It was truly humbling.

As I said, the end of the semester is fast approaching and I am anxiously awaiting its arrival. I am pressing on in the homework and the week of exams facing me but I am so excited about what lies ahead this summer that it is very hard to stay focused. I feel so blessed to be able to spend the summer with my sister and brother in Greenville, and even more so to be able to make some money taking care of my beautiful niece! (Sorry y'all, she pretty much outranks everyone as far as my favorite person)  While I do sometimes worry about how I will feel being away from home for the whole summer I know that this is going to be a summer I never forget.
I will be sad to see the end of this semester for all of the girls that I will miss next semester, either because they are moving across campus, down the road, or across the country. I will not be glad to say goodbye to them, but I will run around and jump for joy to say goodbye to all the homework and stress. Just so that the girls who will not be on The Fritz next semester know that while I am excited for the end of the year it is not at all because I want to see you go.....that is the last thing I want.

In closing I want to put the words to a hymn that has been on my heart since Friday, I know that we have passed Easter so it is a little late but I think it is still valuable to consider this hymn. Also, it is one of my favorites and it had been a while since I last sang it until Friday night.

Beneath the Cross of Jesus

Beneath the cross of Jesus I fain would take my stand,

The shadow of a might rock within a weary land;

A home within the wilderness, a rest upon the way,

From the burning of the noontide heat, and the burden of the day

Upon the cross of Jesus, 

Mine eye at times can see

The very dying form of One who suffered there for me;

And from my stricken heart with tears two wonders I confess,

The wonders of redeeming love and my unworthiness.

I take, O cross, thy shadow

For my abiding place:

I ask no other sunshine than the sunshine of His face,

Content to let the world go by to know no gain nor loss

My sinful self my only shame, my glory, all the cross

(RUF version in case anyone is wondering)

A cup of coffe and time for reflection

I am never exactly sure how to go about writing here. I want to give life updates but I don't want that to be the only thing in this blog because that is boring, I would much rather be thoughtful and contemplative in my postings so I usually end up doing a little of each I think.
Recently I have been thinking about the people in my life who have been instrumental in making me the woman I am today ( even though often I still see myself as that little girl who loved sitting in laps and being close to everyone longing for the attention of those that I loved most, which of course I always got :) ) I still think of these people as a part of my life even though they are not around for the day to day things that go on. I am able to make it through broken relationships because of their wisdom and the way that they point me to Jesus and remind me that no matter how bad things may seem at the moment I have a Savior who loves me as much as I long to be loved, and so much more. I will forever thank the Lord for blessing me with these people even though He has guided our families to different parts of the country.
Yesterday was a hard day for me, I dealt with a lot of emotions that I haven't been letting myself feel and so I was exhausted.Also, nothing went according to my plan for the day. That threw me off so badly I did not know if I would be able to cope with the stress. It is strange how sometimes your pride keeps you from admitting things, even just to yourself. I sometimes do not like to admit that I need to take time to be totally alone without anyone talking to me or even in the room so that I can deal with stress, it is a rare occasion but when I do need that it is an urgent and desperate need. Last night that need hit me as I was walking into work for the night, ugh was that a long shift! Then I came back and sat in the commons to work on homework and watch a movie without anybody around. That gave me the chance to stop and talk to God for a while too. I am so much more refreshed today because of that time and yet I feel weak when I acknowledge that I needed that time to continue on for the rest of the semester.
As I have been thinking about those that I love so much the continued refrain in my head is " I thank my God with each remembrance of you" This is true for me in so many ways, each time I think about each one of you who has played an integral part in my life I am thankful! I do not know where I would be without you but I do not that it would not be a good place, that is a lesson I learned the hard way. So for those of you reading this, know that I love each of you and thank God for you daily!

Also, this music just came onto my itunes and I wanted to put it on the end of this post because I have been thinking about this musical a lot recently. I would LOVE to see this one live, it is far and above my favorite musical ever and I plan to read the book this summer when I have the time to really enjoy it. For anyone who hasn't even heard the music or doesn't know the story, for shame! You should really become very familiar with it, there is such a great story of redemption and a great refelction of Christs love in human terms. Anyway, that is my humble opinion on the subject :)

Back on the Mountain top

I do love my school!

And blogging! Yay!!
This week has been a crazy one and I am glad that is it the weekend! I have a busy weekend as well but a lot of fun things going on too. I have to work on an essay for TIPS ( that isn't the exciting part)study for a TIPS midterm and do lots of other homework but other than that one of my old roomies is here to visit and tonight a group of us from The Fritz! are going out to get dinner and see a movie, since I did not get asked to Spring Formal and it would be lame to go alone ( boo boys!) this will be much more fun! It will be a great time of friendship that I need after this insane week. Last night I went to the Fritz house to hang out with Alyssa, Kate, Lisa and LoMain. Lisa and I made Rainbow cupcakes....totally doing that with my students when I teach! Seriously, it was awesome :) and we played Scategories which was so much fun! It was really good!
 Also, I have been looking forward to next semester and I think it will be a really good semester. I am able to sign up for classes pretty early since I will be a junior (finally) and so I think I am going to get a couple of really great profs. I am hoping to take both Kapic and Davis which I am so excited about! Another great thing is I will have mostly Tuesday/Thursday classes so that I will have the majority of other days to study and work. I may be able to take Choral which means I get to be back in a choir!!!! This makes me SO happy :) I miss singing in a choir almost daily. Lastly, next semester will be great because I will only be taking 16 hours so I will get to sleep and have a social life.
That is-if nothing keeps me from getting those classes or signing up when I am scheduled to. But I am going to pray that God works everything out because I know that is what I need to do. I need to trust him enough to say that even if things don't work out exactly this way it will be the right way for my semester to go, just like this crazy semester is just what I needed at this time in my life.
So I was reading Psalm 119 and I discovered a great verse (well technically Heather and I discovered it....but ya know! ) Anyway, we came across a verse that has really stuck with me. It is one that I literally don't think I have ever heard anybody talk about before.....are you dying to know what it is yet??? OK well I will tell you!

¹⁷³Let your hand be ready to help me,
   for I have^(JD) chosen your precepts.
¹⁷⁴I^(JE) long for your salvation, O LORD,
   and your law is my^(JF) delight. ¹⁷⁵Let my soul live and praise you,
   and let your rules help me.
¹⁷⁶I have^(JG) gone astray like a lost sheep; seek your servant,
   for I do not^(JH) forget your commandments. 
Psalm 119

So the last verse is the one that has come to me so many times this week as I have been working on homework and stressing over things I can't control. It is so good to know that I have a Savior who will seek me out when I am lost because there are so many times that I need him to find me. It also brought me to this passage as well:

For I do not understand my own actions. For^(T) I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.

Romans 7:15

I made the connection between these two verses because Paul is talking about how he (and I) struggle to do what we know is right and what we do desire because of our nature and the Psalmist is saying the same thing in a way. The plea for God to "seek your servant" really resonates with me in my walk. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else but I hope it encourages you a little like it did me even if I am not clearly explaining :)

I think I have rambled enough now...I really should make that last call on my list and then do some homework. 

Spring Break!

HAHA I have my blog! Yay for being home and away from the filter :) I am pretty sure that thing won't last long once the admistration re-thinks its knee-jerk recation solution to burn sites. I am glad they blocked those but not that they blocked personal blogs, so I will be enjoying the right to blog with I am home. 

So far this has been a very relaxing and interesting break, yesterday I recovered from my long trip by sleeping late and then going to the flea market with Dad. He bought my Starbucks before taking me because he is wonderful! Then we wandered around for a couple of hours just because. Once we got home Mom and G-ma were ready to go out grocery shopping so we went, because even though I was tired they wanted me to come with them. It was a good thing. 

So we went to Wal-Mart.....UGH! So I had forgotten how bad our Wal-Mart is. It isn't scarry or anything, it is just CRAZY all the time! It didn't help that it was Saturday afternoon but you know....it was bad! Also,  10 minutes into the shopping G-ma went to get something for her list and then...WE LOST HER! Wow that was intense! At first we were not worried because, sad to say, she moves pretty slowly so we never expect her to complete a task quickly. BUT after about 10 minutes of her not coming back to meet us we started to wonder about her. We seperated and searched for a while until Mom decided to just go ahead and call to see if she would pick up her cell...she did, she was sitting on a bench becase she was tired and knew we would find her :) Thank goodness for that but oh my was it unnerving. From there we made a couple more stops (G-ma hung out in the car) and then went home...

Today was wonderful, I love being home and at my church! Dad didn't preach today which was a little disappointing for me but Ande Johnson was great so that made up for it some. 

I love that this afternoon Dad and I refilled shotgun shells....yes, that is what I said....it was AWESOME! I always feel like I have earned points ( I don't know what the points are for but I have a good number of them) when I learn something like that. Tomorrow I am hoping to go shooting skeet with Dad for the first time. 

Sometimes I think every family functions like ours and then I spend a week at school and I realize that we are not the typical family. For instance, not every guy hunts! Who knew?! Also, not everyone grows up listening to 60's and 70's music, and skipping the 80's because everyone knows this was a waste of a decade as far as music goes.....this isn't normal? Really?! Ok, well I love my family just how we are and think we are the best kind of family, obviously :)

Well that really is all I have to say, I know these are really random posts but that is all I know to put up here so there it is! 

Dreams.....

Paris in the Spring

I am dreaming of Paris in the Spring....well really Paris anytime. Recently there has been a lot of talk about study abroad on campus. Students who have visited other countries and spent a semester as students overseas spoke in my French class the other morning. I caught the fire that they were trying to spread. So much!!! I would jump on a plane right now and dive into living with a French family. 

Expect for a few minor issues:

#1: MONEY! Who has it? Seriously, if you want to pay for me to have a cultural once in a life time experience to study abroad for a semester let me know :) 

#2 I don't know a whole lot of French at this point in time....but that would be the point of the trip

#3- And this is a big one! THEY DON'T MAKE IS POSSIBLE FOR EDUCATION MAJORS TO STUDY ABROAD FOR A SEMESTER!!!!!!

Ok I know, in some ways how could we really learn anything about rules and procedures for American classrooms but come on now, it is just as important of an experience for us as for others. Think about it, we will be teaching in diverse classrooms as is daily emphasized in classes here, so shouldn't we be able to experience diverse cultures while getting credits that count for our major instead of just electives.

Which leads to problem #4: While I can get credits they will be electives, and since Ed majors only get a few elective credits and I have an insane amount of them this is a big deal. 

I feel looked over and disadvantaged by this....maybe a bit dramatic but I really really REALLY want to study abroad! 

So anyway, I am supposed to be working but I have finished my tasks so there is no guilt in writing this. I am clocking out soon!!!  Anyway, that being said I have pretty much said everything I needed to at the moment on the topic. I am sure this topic will be revisited though, have no fear!!

A song from my Valentine

Perhaps a little cheesey to say but right now this is the love I need more than anything else....

How deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
And make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory 

Behold the man upon the cross
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished 

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

Why should I gain from His reward
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

This song is one of my favorites, I always feel a little better. I am trying to make this my prayer for the week.

We had a great prayer and praise with Ithica ( or a fraction of it anyway) tonight and I am grateful because I am stressed out of my mind. I am lost in school work and feeling like tomorrow is going to be an exteremly difficult day for me. It doesn't matter that I know I do not need a boyfriend to be worth while but rather my heart is lonely. I am doing well as far as keeping my mind focused on what I need to accomplish and trying to wait for God's perfect timing but I am fallen and broken.  And so I sing...

Long time no talk

Yes, it has been a long time since I posted...such is the life of a college student who has way too much to do already, let alone take the time that should be spent working on homework or cleaning or personal hygiene ( no worries, I have a good grasp on that particular issue) or craziest thought of all....sleeping. Of course with a roommate in the picture sleep becomes a little bit more elusive than it was before. Now there is the need to talk about life, boys, school, and other things on our minds. 

So since my last post I have obviously returned to my normal state of mind, even though there is still that someone missing I am more able to handle it these days. So that is the word on that topic. 

School is in full force now and let me tell you I am already drowning in work. I am trying to develop relationships while still keeping my grades at the level that I expect them to be, all while also going to work Monday to Thursday nights and Saturday mornings in order to help pay for this schooling that is currently causing me to be a crazy person. It is a vicious cycle indeed. 

So my new roomie is worried I am going to write about her...now I have to put this sentence in....right now she is about to fall asleep....she is cute and I think she is wonderful! (That is all on this subject for a bit)

I love a lot of my classes this semester but sometimes I feel like I am not really retaining the information. It makes me wonder about my teaching days. I know it is what I am called to but I do sometimes feel like if I can't immediately recall the names of books I read in Elementary school or the topics we specifically discussed in history I was really a fraud all through middle and high school! Clearly I have learned nothing. On the other hand there are those moments when I remember some crazy and obscure fact that I learned about the Ancient Romans (now would be a good time to come up with one but that would be too impressive) and I think, HA! I am as smart as people seem to think. It is confusing. I know that I am gifted in my learning but really when I do finally finish all of my schooling what will I remember...hopefully the important things. 

I have to work out three to four times a week this semester- HA like I have time for that!- and I am getting graded on it.....what!! That sucks

My brother and sister in law sent me a scarf and cookies today, they are wonderful people. I love my siblings and their spouses, some day I will have a spouse and we will send packages to a college student in need of mail because we will remember how depressing it was to check our mailbox and have it be empty on a regular basis.

We have been talking about race in my Teaching in a Pluralistic Society class (I know, surprising to talk about race in a class with that title, right?!) and it is something that is hard for me to think about and discern what I want to contribute to the class. I come from the south, people in the south tend to be racist. I lived in the north, people in the north are just as racist but they go about it differently. I don't think about it much in my daily life but maybe I should. Just something that is on my mind a lot these days because of the reading and lectures for the class. I have enjoyed the discussion in class as well as those that take place online.( Side note: a couple of my classes have a lot of online posting assignments and sometimes I feel like an old person who doesn't understand why we have to use the internet for discussions....I find it confusing and overwhelming because people can say as much as they want and then I have to read it and figure out what they mean) 

I started a new job this semester, I work in the admissions office....so that means that I spend roughly three hours on the nights that I work calling people to say:

 " Hi this is Mary Claire from Covenant College, is so and so available?" 

so and so's Mom: "yes she/he is! Just a second" 

Great thanks!  long pause...... 

background convo "so and so the phone is for you."

"Who is it?"

"I don't know, some college I think"

"Ok fine.....Hello"

Hi so and so this is Mary Claire from Covenant College, is now a good time to talk?

"Um, I guess."

 Great, so how is the college search going? Are you still interested in Covenant/ do you know much about it

"fine I guess/ Not really, I haven't looked into it yet."

 Oh, well then let me tell you some things about us......"and so on and so forth until I feel so totally uncomfortable and can feel the boredom oozing through the phone. 

All this to say, if an admissions rep calls your house realize that they feel kind of awkward too and try to at least contribute a little bit to the conversation for both of y'alls sanity's sake. 

I know it sounds like I don't like the job but that is not true, honestly, I kinda love it with all its uncomfortable moments....anything beats Chartwells but this is so much better than I could have ever dreamed. 

God is teaching me a lot about patience these days and he is blessing me with positive reenforcement in my life through my roommate who daily makes me feel special and needed. Not to say there was no one in my life who did this before, she just have a special way of doing it that has really been a blessing. Also, he is starting to take aware my fear of never getting married, I like that a lot. God is working in me a lot and I am glad of it. I can't wait for that relationship to continue to develop as well as the others in my life. 

Well now that it is past midnight and I have written a totally disjointed account of my life these days I think it is time to get some sleep...what with class at 8 in the morning and mounds of unfinished homework that was abandoned, I really do need to get some beauty rest. 

New year, same old battle

So tonight I am having the same battle/ inner fight with God that I have all the time...it is the biggest obstacle in my relationship with Him that I know and no matter what it always comes back, the devil has a good hold on my heart when it comes to this issue.....are you wondering what it is, because chances are you can guess it pretty quickly if you try. Yeah that's right, I am one of those girls who has a constant battle over being single.

I DON'T WANT TO BE THIS GIRL ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know that being this way is exactly why I am still struggling with this, it is the age old endless cycle. How many times have I been told "if you are just content to be single and don't think about it anymore then God will bring that man into your life." yeah that is not helpful because then you are trying to be content so that you will get a man...see it doesn't work that way. And if you do manage honestly be content for a while then that eventually goes away and you realize that you are once again very sad about being single. Then you start the process all over again and it is just frustrating.

On nights like this I miss my relationship, not my ex but the relationship....not good!

Yes, in case you are wondering, this is an emotional rant that I should probably not even post but I will anyway because I just need to get it out.

So basically that is all I have to say on the subject....please pray that this battle in my heart will be ended soon one way or another. Honestly, I am just exhausted.

Gaga, Cheesecake, and Hoarders

So I realize that I should be better about updating this but hey, it has been a crazy break! I am sure once I am back into the normal daily goings on I will have time in the eveing for this blog. I plan to at least! Right now I am sitting at home by myself and really enjoying it....though I know it will come to an end in the near future. Grandma went out to get her hair done, Dad has gone to get deer from the processor who is a couple of hours away, and Mom is on her way home from the airport with Uncle Doug.
Last night I watched that show Hoarders on A&E.......CREEPY/CRAZY! I could not even imagine what must have been going on in the mind of the lady who had chickens everywhere in her house in bins, many injured animals out in the yard, oh and don't forget the mounds of trash so that she didn't even have place to sit. She was mean as a snake too. Then there was the man who had bunnies running loose in his (rented) house, they had made pathways through the walls and chewed cords and pooped everywhere!! And of course once you watch one episode it is impossible to walk away from the next one where one man was facing jail time if he didn't clean up his yard and house because there was so much stuff and the lady who had let her family home which had been beautiful become a huge mess of trash and dead cats who were crushed under the weight of their own poop and even the human fesis because there was soooo much stuff in their bathroom they couldn't use it, not to mention they didn't have water anyway......I was so saddened and horrified at the same time. How could people not see what they were living in......it has to be a disease. It makes me ponder how totally hopeless you would have to be to live like that when all it would really take to keep that from happening is to clean up and throw stuff away. The one lady with the family house let it get that way from the saddness and confusion of her mothers death ten years ago, without the hope and promise of Christ and the life to come no wonder this woman had literally no hope.
Thats the end of my deep thoughts on Hoarders.
TOMORROW I TURN 21!!! Yeah, you could say I am a little excited. I can't wait to go out tomorrow night with the fam and Hannah. I made a reservation this morning for The Cheesecake Factory, my yearly trip, so that we can get dessert and a drink out. Other than that I have plans to spend the day with Hannah and Pauline as much as possible, I don't know if Grandma is going to be sad if I leave and I don't want her to feel like I don't want to celebrate with her at all because I would love to. I will have to figure that out in the morning. I am hoping to have a get together with people this weekend to celebrate because we usually do something but we will have to see how things are by then with Mom back at school and my Uncle here to stay with Grandma during the day.
So I am sitting here listening to Lady Gaga and Rihanna and I just know that either Grandma and Nancy or Mom and Uncle Doug are going to walk in to something they would not enjoy but I am willing to risk it because I am having fun! I love getting music from Suz!!
Christmas was wonderful with everyone here... Mac is so sweet and funny! I had a blast playing with her and watching her chase the dog around the house. It is just so wonderful to have everyone around to spend time with and  just enjoy each others company.
Basically it has been a really really good break but a busy one, I am not really ready to think about going back to school but at the same time I know I will have a ton of fun in between all the work this semester